Looking back, 2025 felt like another year of trying to navigate the expectations of being a single woman. There’s this constant pressure that you need to be in a relationship to have “value,” and even though I was happy on my own, I let that pressure get to me. When someone showed interest, I thought, “Why not? Maybe I’m being too rash to pass this up.” Maybe I’m just eternally hopeful, or maybe I’m just tired of the social constructs telling me I’m not enough as I am.
The year actually started off well. I was dating a guy who didn’t have much, but that didn’t matter to me. I’ve never been a flash or materialistic person; I don’t believe someone’s worth is tied to what they own or how much they show off. I’m an independent woman – I work full-time, I’ve got my own house and car, my two kids, and my two cats. I was happy, and for a while, this relationship seemed to enhance that. He made me feel special, wanted, and attractive.
Until it all changed.
The jealous outbursts became too much to bear. I hadn’t done a single thing to justify it, but he couldn’t handle even the slightest bit of attention from the opposite sex. I told him straight: I can’t control what other people do, I can only control how I react. But that wasn’t enough for him.
Eventually, my free time became an assassination of my character. I was being attacked for someone simply saying “hi” or putting an innocent emoji on a photo of a coastal walk. Nothing provocative – just me living my life. I was called “naïve,” told I “loved the attention,” and accused of all sorts. I’ve always said a relationship should enhance my life, and this was doing the exact opposite.
Ending it was the right thing, but the aftermath was exhausting. The erratic voicemails, being called a “dog” one minute (I do not take kindly to this insult. It is deeply sexist and derogatory) and asked for a walk the next, and the constant “No Caller ID” calls at all hours… it was harassment, plain and simple. Thankfully, after a formal caution, it finally stopped.
In the aftermath, I was left feeling so confused. It’s a strange thing to admit that I missed the version of him that made me feel wanted and attractive, while being incredibly relieved to be away from the control and the name-calling. I think that confusion is what led me back to online dating to try and find that ‘good’ feeling again. Big mistake. Huge. It was exactly what I didn’t need. Deep down, I think I felt like I’d failed, and I was desperate to prove that wrong by finding someone. I should have remembered the happiness I’d already found in being alone, but I didn’t wait for that feeling to return. I didn’t give myself the time to actually recover or find my own feet again before I went looking for a ‘quick fix’ elsewhere…