To the self proclaimed “nice guy”,
I reached out to you out of a sense of decency to warn you about a potential issue, but your response was the final straw. Your hollow, patronising “concern” for my wellbeing didn’t feel kind – it felt cold and disingenuous.
For a long time, I’ve carried the weight of our unresolved breakup. When I tried to address the actual issues, you hid behind the “two perspectives” argument to avoid taking responsibility for your actions. But there aren’t two perspectives on the facts: You disrespected my boundaries, you assumed you had a right to my home without asking, and then you had the audacity to paint yourself as the victim to our friends while making me the villain.
The hypocrisy is what stands out the most. You preached that a relationship is about “mutual decisions” when it suited you, yet you dictated every term when it came to your family. You chastised me in public for minor things while you lacked the basic empathy to distinguish between the trauma of being assaulted and stalked and the “stress” of exam revision. To compare those two things is not just immature; it is delusional.
I see through the performance now. I see how you get aggressively defensive when I’m calm, but then switch to a “performative calm” when I finally get frustrated. Using my first name in that clinical, detached way isn’t “stable” – it’s a tactic to make me look like the “crazy” one while you play the saint. There is nothing “mature” about having no life skills and a sanctimonious attitude. My anger isn’t “crazy”; it is a natural reaction to someone who lacks integrity and treats boundaries like suggestions. You don’t “care deeply” about me. You care about how you appear to others.
I am allowed to be angry. I was right about what happened, and I don’t need a hypocrite to agree with me for it to be true. I survived being stalked and assaulted; I am strong enough to survive a person who is too small to handle my boundaries. I am not “crazy” for reacting to gaslighting; I am sane for recognising it.
I realise, however, that my anger, while completely justified, is still giving you more of my energy than you deserve. You use your “calm” act to try and make me feel small, but all it really shows is your inability to be honest or empathetic. I’m done trying to get a person without integrity to understand what integrity looks like.
While you may continue to play the victim to whoever will listen, I am choosing to step out of this cycle. I’m done screaming into the void. You can keep your “calm” façade and your hollow well-wishes. Very soon, you will mean absolutely nothing to me. You are no longer worth the breath it takes to explain your own hypocrisy to you.
I’m keeping my integrity.